Friday, June 21, 2024

Joy and Grief




My time spent on blogging has been lacking as of late (yes I know this).  All of us can easily fall into the mire or busy-ness, and although I can say that I am very good about taking time for prayer and meditation, my default would be to not be writing.

That said, I HAVE been engrossed in a class on grief coaching.  For those who think this sounds really weird, you are not wrong.  I mean really who needs a coach for grief.  And yet, in our culture we are really super bad at grieving.  We have been taught that instead of walking the journey of grief we are either to stuff it down, or give it all to God (and while that second one seems nice, God I think has a differnt plan in how to bring us comfort)

Grief is a horrible, somtimes shameful and regulalry uncomfrtable emotion.  The sorrow and sadness of grief alert us to the realization that something or someone of importance is missing, or no longer a part of our lives.  That there was an important relationship that helped to mold and shape who we are.  And that was a gift.  So grief then, is not something to be hidden, but it is something to process.  It is a path of learning about how we walk in the world and how we are a part of a larger web.  

And while grief can be exhausting, and painful and frustrating (with how long it stays attached to our hearts) the process can also teach us and show us a lot about the joy in our lives.  While grief and joy do not seem to go hand in hand, they both have important roles that teach us about who we are in the world.

If you need/want/wonder about having someone to walk with you in your times of grief, know that you do not have to walk alone. There are therapists and counselors, and mentors and coaches and friends who will walk with you. I would love to help you find a few.

In the meantime, check out this poem by John Rodell

the places in our heart
where the world took bites
out of us
may never fully heal
and will likely become
wide open spaces
~ be careful to not fill them
with just anything or anyone
your wounds aren’t supposed
to become attics for you to hoard
unnecessary junk
these holes in our hearts
are holy sites
and we should treat
them as such
so when visiting your old wounds
make sure to take your shoes off
and turn off your cellphone
sit by candlelight
and watch how the shadows
tell the story how brave you are
~ to survive
(John Roedel)

https://www.facebook.com/johnbigjohn/posts/pfbid0qotKioGpGmzoZj45vgPqvjgaB79yaDrfLpG87XsskqfLz1WZdbv8S1qfm5ufLVuPl





Friday, February 2, 2024

implementing learnings

Over the past few weeks I have noticed a common theme coming up over and over again.  The theme, as I understand it, is ORDER.  Not like I should be ordering more things, or making orders or receiving orders, rather it is about how we (or how I) order my life.  

This again is a practice, and one that I will not get exactly "right".  But to have the guide of order I find that I can accomplish more.  I believe that we each have our own sense of order, AND that when we come together in communities there is a sense of order and when all people are not following the same order, we notice that something feels off or is out of place.

So how do we create order in our own lives, homes, spaces AND comfortably move in to the order of communal spaces?  It is a regular learning, and leaning in to communication and relationship building. Yes, relationship building.  because we are creatures of relationships.  We depend understand ourselves best when we see how we are in relation to others.  Not that we have to change to be like everyone else, but that we adjust to be able to be in "communion"  (sharing of thoughts or feelings on mental and spiritual levels)  We might also call this "togetherness"

When we claim to be "lonely" it is often over the absence of togetherness.  We need one another.  So how can we claim that reality as we age?  Or really at anytime in


Saturday, January 20, 2024

Time for PAUSE

 In this fast paced world it is hard to slow down and find a time of peace and quiet to listen to your soul.  We long for the moments that we can take a breath, but we do not often create space in our schedules.  or when there is space we feel guilty that we are not doing something else, or being more productive.  It is much easier to watch Facebook reels, or re-watch an old season of a favorite show, or bake cookies, or take the kids shopping, or clean the bathroom or ...  

I am one of those people who think that if I am not constantly producing something then I am failing.  I need to be learning and doing and moving.  And my defaults, are often not helpful.  It just adds to the noise.

But if we are able to find some space to practice sitting in the silence, we may start to hear our inner voice, our consciousness, our spirit guides, telling us that there is blessing in the "resting".  Even as I write this I come back to thinking about the 10 commandments, the 3rd of which is remember the sabbath and keep it holy.  If you grew up in a church you maybe learned this meant go to church on Sunday.  If you grew up in a non-religious family you maybe heard this as we have time off let's go to the beach. Or on a hike.


It's really a reminder that we need rest.  We should not be in a mode of constant work and movement.  And if that is the highest goal then consider that even in resting there is greater purpose.  It resets our vital organs.  For athletes, rest helps muscles heal and reduces inflammation, for people who have gone through major life upsets, rest resets the nervous system.  

Rest helps our brains reset.  I learned in college that a good night of sleep was often better for me before a test than studying all night. I am sure that was not true for everyone, but I knew my body, and brain and emotions, needed it.

Rest helps us to engage with our friends and family, in more attentive conversations, less stress and more ability to be present.

We need rest to be healthy spiritually, mentally, physically, mentally, and emotionally.  whether through sleep, meditation time, or just grabbing 5 minutes of un-interrupted quiet.  Let you mind rest.  

Also watch for a few meditation videos to come in the next few weeks.