HOLIDAYS: SLOW DOWN...

            Embracing the Pause: Slowing Down During the Holiday Rush

The holiday season is a whirlwind of lights, laughter, and… stress. I’ve already found myself caught in the rush of shopping, baking, dealing with water leaks, and attempting to attend events, all while trying to keep up with the expectation that everything must be perfect. But this year, I’m embracing something different:

                                                                slowing down.

It took me a while to realize that the holidays don’t need to be a marathon of busyness. In fact, they can be an opportunity to rest, reflect, and focus on what truly matters. Here are a few ways I’m navigating the season with more peace and joy.

1. Setting Boundaries

Saying no is hard, but I am learning that it is crucial for my well-being.

Instead of attending every party or agreeing to every request, I’m asking myself:

“Does this align with what I need right now? Or who I am?” By setting boundaries,

I free up space for the things that bring me joy—like quiet time with family or an afternoon to recharge,

or go for a run or a hike.

2. Simple Self-Care

Self-care doesn’t have to be extravagant.

For me, it’s the small things: a quiet morning with tea, a short walk outside, or a few minutes of deep breathing.

(*watch for some breathing techniques coming up in the new year)...

These little moments help me stay grounded and prevent burnout during the busy days.

3. Letting Go of Perfection

OK - if you know me - you know this one is easier for me...I gave up perfection LONG ago,

but it still rears it's evil little head. I often have to repeat that mantra

"progress or process or practice over perfection" -

This year, I’m just embracing the imperfection whole-heartedly.

The holidays are about connection, not perfection. If the cookies burn or the plans change, it’s okay.

The people and moments are what matter most.

4. Being Present

Mindfulness or Presence have become my some of my mantras,

but I especially notice their usefulness in the holiday season.

Instead of rushing through tasks, I’m trying to stay present in each moment,

whether I’m wrapping gifts or enjoying a conversation with loved ones.

When I focus on the now, I feel more connected and appreciative of the season.

SO FOR NOW...

This holiday season, I’m choosing (because that just sounds nicer AND like i have control)

to do less and be more. I’m focusing on what truly matters—self-care, connection, and presence.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, I encourage you to take a moment to pause, breathe, and remember

that the holidays are not about what we do, but how we experience them.

Grief and the Holidays

*Disclaimer - Honestly a good deal of this was from ChatGPT - with a few edits of my own...

The holidays can be especially challenging when you are grieving, especially the loss of a loved one. Amid festive cheer and family gatherings, the absence of someone you love can feel overwhelming. If you're struggling with grief during this time, you are not alone. Here are a few gentle strategies to help you navigate the season:

1. Honor Your Grief

It’s okay to not feel joyful. Grief doesn’t disappear just because it’s the holiday season. Allow yourself to feel what you feel—whether it's sadness, anger, or even numbness. Give yourself permission to grieve without pressure to be “happy” or “okay.” Figure out a way to gracefully leave - or let your hosts know that you might need to leave unexpectedly.

2. Adjust Traditions

If old traditions are too painful, it’s okay to change them. Whether it’s skipping certain activities or creating new rituals that feel more comforting, allow yourself to do what feels right for you. Honoring your loved one in your own way can provide solace.

3. Set Boundaries

You don’t have to attend every gathering or event. It’s okay to say no if you need a break or some quiet time. Communicate with loved ones about your needs—whether that’s attending part of a celebration or taking time for yourself.

4. Reach Out for Support

Grief can feel isolating, but sharing it with others can lighten the load. You do not need to walk this journey alone. Whether through a support group, grief coach, friends, or family, leaning on others who understand can offer comfort and reassurance.

5. Practice Self-Care

Grieving takes a physical and emotional toll. Be kind to yourself—eat nourishing meals, get enough rest, and take time to unwind. Simple acts of self-care can help restore your energy and provide a sense of calm during an emotional time.

The holidays may never feel the same after a loss, and that’s okay. Take it one moment at a time, and remember that it's okay to experience both grief and moments of peace. It's also ok to laugh and have fun and enjoy the season - it is not disrespectful enjoy life. Be gentle with yourself and know that grief and healing is a journey.

practice

Practice, practice, practice.  It is one of the most difficult things to do in a culture that draws our attention in a

million different directions at one.  It is a practice just to be intentional about getting to our practice. 

Yet there are many things we do in life that seem automatic - like eating meals, or taking a shower,

or driving to work.  We don't have to think about them anymore because we do them so often. 

We have practiced our routine and it has become a way of life.

So how do we be intentional about shifting or changing our practice so that it is functional when there are

shifts in the world around us?  

Malcom Gladwell says that - “Practice isn’t the thing you do once you’re good. It’s the thing you do that makes you good”

We become what we practice.  So what are you becoming?  What do you want to become? 

And are you focused on how you are practicing that reality?

My piano teacher when I was a kid regularly reminded me that practice makes habit

(only perfect practice makes perfect).  What habits are you building?

If you need some accountability - I am here to help.

Listening

 

As we think about how were engage with the world, in person, face to face, we might have some understanding that we have lost a bit in being able to find ways to engage with one another as readily as in the past.  We are losing a sense of connection and the ability to listen.  We all to often seek more to be heard.  

And in the world that we are in - the value of having someone to listen to you is precious treasure.  

Listening is more than just hearing words...it is about being able to engage with whoever is speaking and understanding their message.  Which is a powerful tool.

Here are a few things to practice to enhance your listening skills,

1 - Be Present.  get rid of things that distract you, make eye contact with whoever is speaking to show that you are engaged.

2 - Work at Preventing Disruptions.  Let the speaker finish thoughts. Interruptions can make them feel less valued.

3 - Practice Empathy - acknowledging feelings and emotions by nodding or using affirming words can help to convey that you understand their perspective.

4 - Ask Clarifying Questions.  If there is something that is not clear - ASK, this shows that you are interested and it helps to deepen your own understanding.

5 - Reflect and Summarize  - being able to reflect back what you have heard helps to convey that your re on the same page and allows the speak er clarify if needed.

6 - Practice Patience.  Give the speaker time to fully express their thoughts or feelings.  Sometimes silence can encourage deeper reflection.

Enough and Necessary

 In a time of consumerism and living in the belief that you actually can “have it all” it seems to me that the real task is being able to have confidence in your choices.  

The race to “have it all” seems to be giving individuals the sense of never being enough.

So I propose this challenge, instead of looking to the world for who you should be, or could be, I challenge you to look inside yourself to who you are created to be and finding your own purposet.

What is it that excites you?  What is it that calls you to learn and grow, or challenge yourself?  What is it that makes you feel like you have real value in the world?  What makes you YOU?

This is not to say that we live in isolation from community, but that by living your purpose, you have the ability to add in the raising up the energetic level of the community around you.  By living your purpose, you contribute to your own community and the world community.

We care called to discern and discover who we are.  This may be one of the real challenges in "adulting".  It is not just being s responsible citizen of the community and world, in part it is also discovering your place and passion in it.

Once you know your gifts and talents (which a spiritual director may help you to discover)  then you may desire someone to help hold you accountable tof reaching some goals in life.  When you are able to discern what it is that calls you to your own personal greatness.  What makes you tick and how can you grab on?

We all are better when we are true to who we are in the community.

Trust Building

Trust building is one of the first steps in creating healthy relationships.

Being trustworthy contributes to your overall well-being.  When you act with integrity and stay true to yourself, you are able to easily align your values and character which enhances your personal wellbeing and your own sense of authenticity.

When you are able to be trustworthy it also raises the vibration and the desire for those around you to be trustworthy, and thus builds a culture of integrity.  But it starts with you and your own desire.  You get to pick how you are walking through life.

The more you dive in and are able to be honest about yourself and your desires, the healthier you will become in who you are created to be.  

You are created to be a light in the world.  How will you aid in creating the basis of trust to let your light shine?

Joy and Grief

My time spent on blogging has been lacking as of late (yes I know this).  

All of us can easily fall into the mire or busy-ness, and although I can say that

I am very good about taking time for prayer and meditation, my default would be 

to not be writing.

That said, I HAVE been engrossed in a class on grief coaching.  For those who think this 

sounds really weird, you are not wrong.  I mean really who needs a coach for grief.  

And yet, in our culture we are really super bad at grieving.  We have been taught that

instead of walking the journey of grief we are either to stuff it down, or give it all to God

(and while that second one seems nice, God I think has a different plan in how to bring 

us comfort)

Grief is a horrible, sometimes shameful and regularly uncomfortable emotion.  

The sorrow and sadness of grief alert us to the realization that something or someone

of importance is missing, or no longer a part of our lives.  That there was an important 

relationship that helped to mold and shape who we are.  And that was a gift.  So grief 

then, is not something to be hidden, but it is something to process.  It is a path of learning

about how we walk in the world and how we are a part of a larger web.  

And while grief can be exhausting, and painful and frustrating (with how long it 

stays attached to our hearts) the process can also teach us and show us a lot about the joy

in our lives.  While grief and joy do not seem to go hand in hand, they both have 

important roles that teach us about who we are in the world.

If you need/want/wonder about having someone to walk with you in your times of grief, know that you do not have to walk alone. There are therapists and counselors, and mentors and coaches and friends who will walk with you. I would love to help you find a few.

In the meantime, check out this poem by John Rodell

the places in our heart

where the world took bites

out of us

may never fully heal

and will likely become

wide open spaces

~ be careful to not fill them

with just anything or anyone

your wounds aren’t supposed

to become attics for you to hoard

unnecessary junk

these holes in our hearts

are holy sites

and we should treat

them as such

so when visiting your old wounds

make sure to take your shoes off

and turn off your cellphone

sit by candlelight

and watch how the shadows

tell the story how brave you are

~ to survive

(John Roedel)

https://www.facebook.com/johnbigjohn/posts/pfbid0qotKioGpGmzoZj45vgPqvjgaB79yaDrfLpG87XsskqfLz1WZdbv8S1qfm5ufLVuPl

implementing learnings

Over the past few weeks I have noticed a common theme coming up over and over again.  The theme, as I understand it, is ORDER.  Not like I should be ordering more things, or making orders or receiving orders, rather it is about how we (or how I) order my life.  

This again is a practice, and one that I will not get exactly "right".  But to have the guide of order I find that I can accomplish more.  I believe that we each have our own sense of order, AND that when we come together in communities there is a sense of order and when all people are not following the same order, we notice that something feels off or is out of place.

So how do we create order in our own lives, homes, spaces AND comfortably move in to the order of communal spaces?  It is a regular learning, and leaning in to communication and relationship building. Yes, relationship building.  because we are creatures of relationships.  We depend understand ourselves best when we see how we are in relation to others.  Not that we have to change to be like everyone else, but that we adjust to be able to be in "communion"  (sharing of thoughts or feelings on mental and spiritual levels)  We might also call this "togetherness"

When we claim to be "lonely" it is often over the absence of togetherness.  We need one another.  So how can we claim that reality as we age?  Or really at anytime in

Time for PAUSE

 In this fast paced world it is hard to slow down and find a time of peace and quiet to listen to your soul.  We long for the moments that we can take a breath, but we do not often create space in our schedules.  or when there is space we feel guilty that we are not doing something else, or being more productive.  It is much easier to watch Facebook reels, or re-watch an old season of a favorite show, or bake cookies, or take the kids shopping, or clean the bathroom or ...  

I am one of those people who think that if I am not constantly producing something then I am failing.  I need to be learning and doing and moving.  And my defaults, are often not helpful.  It just adds to the noise.

But if we are able to find some space to practice sitting in the silence, we may start to hear our inner voice, our consciousness, our spirit guides, telling us that there is blessing in the "resting".  Even as I write this I come back to thinking about the 10 commandments, the 3rd of which is remember the sabbath and keep it holy.  If you grew up in a church you maybe learned this meant go to church on Sunday.  If you grew up in a non-religious family you maybe heard this as we have time off let's go to the beach. Or on a hike.

It's really a reminder that we need rest.  We should not be in a mode of constant work and movement.  And if that is the highest goal then consider that even in resting there is greater purpose.  It resets our vital organs.  For athletes, rest helps muscles heal and reduces inflammation, for people who have gone through major life upsets, rest resets the nervous system.  

Rest helps our brains reset.  I learned in college that a good night of sleep was often better for me before a test than studying all night. I am sure that was not true for everyone, but I knew my body, and brain and emotions, needed it.

Rest helps us to engage with our friends and family, in more attentive conversations, less stress and more ability to be present.

We need rest to be healthy spiritually, mentally, physically, mentally, and emotionally.  whether through sleep, meditation time, or just grabbing 5 minutes of un-interrupted quiet.  Let you mind rest.  

Also watch for a few meditation videos to come in the next few weeks.