Remembering Joshua Aaron Olson

Today would have been his 53rd birthday. It's hard to believe that it’s been decades since Josh, my first high school boyfriend, tragically drowned in the St. Croix in August of 1990. The years have passed, but the grief of losing him—so young, so full of promise—still lingers, in quiet moments and heavy memories.

Losing someone young is different. It’s not just about their death; it’s about the future that was never lived—the “what ifs” that never have answers. I find myself wondering who he would have become, how his creativity and light would have shaped the world. He was a gifted soul—humorous, kind, and deeply thoughtful—and it’s hard not to mourn the endless possibilities that were taken from him.

But grief, I’ve learned, is more than just sadness. It’s the loss of potential, of unfinished business, and of the words we never got to say. (even thought I know WAY more about him now) At the time of his passing, I was just beginning to understand love and friendship, and now, years later, I wish I would have been better about telling him how much he meant to me.  And letting him know that friendship was a great deal more important.

Yet even as the pain of his loss still comes in waves, I’m comforted by the legacy he left behind. His spirit lives on in the memories of those who knew him. The way he made others feel—seen, heard, important—is something that can never be erased.

Today, on what would have been his 53rd birthday, I remember him with love. I remember his laughter, the tenor of his voice, his creativity (I have one of his sketches in my office), and the way he brightened the lives of everyone around him. Though he’s no longer here, his light continues to shine in my heart, and in the hearts of all who loved him.

Happy birthday, my friend. You are missed, and you will always be remembered.

Embracing Gentleness and Living Your Purpose: How to Be Kind to Yourself After the New Year Chaos #peptalk

Living Your Purpose on January 7th (Without the Pressure)

Alright, so here we are—it’s January 7th. If you’re anything like me, the excitement of the new year already feels like it was a month ago. (Is it really only the 7th? Wasn’t it just yesterday we were popping champagne and making resolutions to be better humans?) The confetti has settled, the champagne bubbles have popped, and now you’re standing here thinking: Why doesn’t everything feel as fresh and hopeful as it did last week? You might even be feeling the pressure to have your life together already—like you should be knee-deep in goals, vision boards, and that 5:00 AM workout routine that everyone else seems to be crushing.

But guess what? You don’t have to have it all figured out yet. In fact, you don’t have to hustle until you burn out in order to live your purpose. Take a deep breath, grab a coffee (or wine, no judgment), and let’s talk about how living with purpose can be more about the small, gentle steps—and less about turning yourself into an over-caffeinated productivity machine.

1. Stop Beating Yourself Up for Not Having It All Together Yet

Just because the calendar flipped to a new year doesn’t mean you’re suddenly supposed to know exactly what your life is supposed to look like. (If that’s how you thought it worked, I’m so sorry to disappoint you.)

If you’re still figuring out what this year is going to be about, or if you haven’t “hit the ground running” like a superhero on a Red Bull, don’t sweat it. You’ve survived another year, and that’s a huge win. The new year isn’t a magical reset button where you morph into a productivity machine overnight. It’s more like a soft invitation to take small steps toward what feels right.

And guess what? You don’t have to do it perfectly. Just showing up is enough. Being kind to yourself right now—that’s actually part of living a purposeful life. So go ahead and eat that leftover holiday cookie with no guilt. You’re doing great.

2. You Don’t Have to Start Over; You’re Already Exactly Where You Need to Be

Ah, social media. Nothing quite like seeing everyone’s perfectly planned out vision boards, New Year’s resolutions, and daily yoga selfies to make you feel like you’re failing at life. But here’s the thing: you don’t need to start over. You’re already here, and guess what? You’ve got everything you need to begin where you are.

Living YOUR purpose doesn’t require a giant leap or a massive reset. It’s about showing up in the small, everyday moments. It is about being fully present right where you are.  Whether that’s making someone laugh, taking five minutes to breathe, or just getting ready for the day without hitting “snooze” seven times. You’re already living your purpose, even if it doesn’t involve standing on stage accepting a Nobel Prize. Just keep showing up. That's enough.

3. Your Purpose Doesn’t Require You to Hustle 24/7 - 365

We live in a world that loves to shout, “Hustle harder!” and “Grind until you drop!” But guess what? That’s a myth. Hustling all the time is overrated, and it’s probably why you’re reading this post instead of doing squats at 5:30 AM.

Living with purpose doesn’t mean you need to be a productivity machine. It’s about living in alignment with what matters most to you—and sometimes, that means resting. Your purpose can show up in the quiet moments: when you say no to a social obligation because you need a mental health day, or when you skip the gym to binge-watch your favorite show (research shows that joy is just as important as squats).

Remember, rest is not only okay, it’s essential. So go ahead, nap like it’s part of your life plan. It totally is. (or at least it is now...)

4. Let Go of Guilt—You Don’t Have to Be Superhuman by January 7th (Or Ever)

Guilt is sneaky. It’ll creep up when you feel like you’re not doing enough, achieving enough, or checking off your to-do list fast enough. But here’s the truth: guilt doesn’t help you grow. It just makes you feel like a failure for not being perfect—and let’s be honest, none of us need to add that to our plates.

What if you gave yourself permission to just be? Instead of beating yourself up for what you haven’t done yet, why not acknowledge what you’ve already accomplished? Did you make it to 2025 without setting your kitchen on fire? Win. Did you manage to keep one New Year’s resolution (even if it’s just drinking more water)? That’s a win.

You don’t need to be superhuman. You just need to show up with love, understanding, and a willingness to take things one step at a time. And if that step happens to be “take a nap,” so be it.

5. Celebrate the Small Wins—They’re Part of Your Purpose, Too

Let’s be real: sometimes, simply getting through the day feels like a massive victory. Maybe you didn’t finish your novel or organize your entire house, but you did make it out of bed. That counts as a win.

Living with purpose doesn’t require big, dramatic changes every day. It’s how you show up in the little moments. If today, you managed to rest, smile, or laugh at something so ridiculous it made you snort, that’s a win. Celebrate those wins, no matter how tiny they seem. Every small moment of peace, kindness, or joy builds a foundation for the bigger wins to come.

6. Give Yourself Permission to Rest and Have Fun

Purpose isn’t about grinding nonstop—it’s about living with intention. And guess what? Living with intention includes making time for fun. You don’t have to hustle 24/7 to live a meaningful life. Sometimes, your purpose is to be present, laugh at the latest meme, or simply binge-watch a series that makes your brain happy.

Rest, fun, and joy aren’t distractions from your purpose—they’re an essential part of it. When you make space for relaxation and laughter, you’re actually feeding your purpose, not avoiding it. So go ahead, indulge in a nap or a Netflix binge. It’s called self-care, and it’s vital to the process.

Wrapping Up: Be Gentle, Be Present, and Live Your Purpose

So, here we are—January 7th. The world is speeding ahead with its “New Year, New You” energy, but you don’t have to keep up with the noise. Living your purpose doesn’t mean having everything figured out by now, being perfect, or hustling until your brain turns to mush. It means showing up as your authentic self—even in the quiet moments.

This year, move at your own pace. Be kind to yourself, celebrate the small wins, and let go of the pressure to have it all together. Your purpose is already unfolding—one gentle step at a time. And that’s more than enough.

Here’s to a year of living with purpose, gentleness, and an open heart. You’re already doing great, just by being you. As for me - I am going to just go ahead and take that nap. 💛

New year and dealing with grief

Starting the New Year While Navigating Grief and Loss

As the new year begins, it can be difficult to embrace the excitement of fresh starts if you’re grieving. Grief doesn’t follow the calendar and doesn’t pause for the year to change. It’s okay if you don’t feel ready to "move on"—take things slow and honor your grief as you enter the new year.

Here are a few ways to approach this time while honoring your grief:

1. Acknowledge Your Pain
   Grief doesn’t disappear with the new year. Allow yourself to feel whatever emotions arise, knowing healing is not linear. Some days will be harder than others, and that’s okay.
   
   
2. Embrace Small Steps
   You don’t need grand resolutions. Focus on small, manageable steps, like getting out of bed or taking a walk. Healing happens in quiet, meaningful moments.
3. Create Space for Reflection
4. Take time to remember and reflect on the love and lessons from your loss. There’s no need to "move on" from your memories; carry them forward.
5. Let Go of Expectations
   The world may encourage you to "start fresh," but grief doesn’t have a timetable. Be kind to yourself if it feels present, even as others move on.
6. Find Comfort in Routine
   Rituals like lighting a candle or taking time for reflection can provide grounding and comfort as you transition into the new year.
7. Seek Support
   Grief can be isolating, but you don’t have to face it alone. Reach out to friends, family, or a therapist for support.
8. Honor Your Resilience
   Just getting through the day is an act of strength. Recognize your resilience, even if you don’t feel ready for a fresh start.
9. Allow Yourself to Grow at Your Own Pace
   Grief doesn’t define you. Take the new year as an opportunity to grow, but at your own pace, without pressure.

Grief is not a barrier to new beginnings. It’s part of your story, and you can move forward with both joy and sorrow. This year, may you find peace, love, and patience for yourself.

HOLIDAYS: SLOW DOWN...

            Embracing the Pause: Slowing Down During the Holiday Rush

The holiday season is a whirlwind of lights, laughter, and… stress. I’ve already found myself caught in the rush of shopping, baking, dealing with water leaks, and attempting to attend events, all while trying to keep up with the expectation that everything must be perfect. But this year, I’m embracing something different:

                                                                slowing down.

It took me a while to realize that the holidays don’t need to be a marathon of busyness. In fact, they can be an opportunity to rest, reflect, and focus on what truly matters. Here are a few ways I’m navigating the season with more peace and joy.

1. Setting Boundaries

Saying no is hard, but I am learning that it is crucial for my well-being.

Instead of attending every party or agreeing to every request, I’m asking myself:

“Does this align with what I need right now? Or who I am?” By setting boundaries,

I free up space for the things that bring me joy—like quiet time with family or an afternoon to recharge,

or go for a run or a hike.

2. Simple Self-Care

Self-care doesn’t have to be extravagant.

For me, it’s the small things: a quiet morning with tea, a short walk outside, or a few minutes of deep breathing.

(*watch for some breathing techniques coming up in the new year)...

These little moments help me stay grounded and prevent burnout during the busy days.

3. Letting Go of Perfection

OK - if you know me - you know this one is easier for me...I gave up perfection LONG ago,

but it still rears it's evil little head. I often have to repeat that mantra

"progress or process or practice over perfection" -

This year, I’m just embracing the imperfection whole-heartedly.

The holidays are about connection, not perfection. If the cookies burn or the plans change, it’s okay.

The people and moments are what matter most.

4. Being Present

Mindfulness or Presence have become my some of my mantras,

but I especially notice their usefulness in the holiday season.

Instead of rushing through tasks, I’m trying to stay present in each moment,

whether I’m wrapping gifts or enjoying a conversation with loved ones.

When I focus on the now, I feel more connected and appreciative of the season.

SO FOR NOW...

This holiday season, I’m choosing (because that just sounds nicer AND like i have control)

to do less and be more. I’m focusing on what truly matters—self-care, connection, and presence.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, I encourage you to take a moment to pause, breathe, and remember

that the holidays are not about what we do, but how we experience them.

Grief and the Holidays

*Disclaimer - Honestly a good deal of this was from ChatGPT - with a few edits of my own...

The holidays can be especially challenging when you are grieving, especially the loss of a loved one. Amid festive cheer and family gatherings, the absence of someone you love can feel overwhelming. If you're struggling with grief during this time, you are not alone. Here are a few gentle strategies to help you navigate the season:

1. Honor Your Grief

It’s okay to not feel joyful. Grief doesn’t disappear just because it’s the holiday season. Allow yourself to feel what you feel—whether it's sadness, anger, or even numbness. Give yourself permission to grieve without pressure to be “happy” or “okay.” Figure out a way to gracefully leave - or let your hosts know that you might need to leave unexpectedly.

2. Adjust Traditions

If old traditions are too painful, it’s okay to change them. Whether it’s skipping certain activities or creating new rituals that feel more comforting, allow yourself to do what feels right for you. Honoring your loved one in your own way can provide solace.

3. Set Boundaries

You don’t have to attend every gathering or event. It’s okay to say no if you need a break or some quiet time. Communicate with loved ones about your needs—whether that’s attending part of a celebration or taking time for yourself.

4. Reach Out for Support

Grief can feel isolating, but sharing it with others can lighten the load. You do not need to walk this journey alone. Whether through a support group, grief coach, friends, or family, leaning on others who understand can offer comfort and reassurance.

5. Practice Self-Care

Grieving takes a physical and emotional toll. Be kind to yourself—eat nourishing meals, get enough rest, and take time to unwind. Simple acts of self-care can help restore your energy and provide a sense of calm during an emotional time.

The holidays may never feel the same after a loss, and that’s okay. Take it one moment at a time, and remember that it's okay to experience both grief and moments of peace. It's also ok to laugh and have fun and enjoy the season - it is not disrespectful enjoy life. Be gentle with yourself and know that grief and healing is a journey.

practice

Practice, practice, practice.  It is one of the most difficult things to do in a culture that draws our attention in a

million different directions at one.  It is a practice just to be intentional about getting to our practice. 

Yet there are many things we do in life that seem automatic - like eating meals, or taking a shower,

or driving to work.  We don't have to think about them anymore because we do them so often. 

We have practiced our routine and it has become a way of life.

So how do we be intentional about shifting or changing our practice so that it is functional when there are

shifts in the world around us?  

Malcom Gladwell says that - “Practice isn’t the thing you do once you’re good. It’s the thing you do that makes you good”

We become what we practice.  So what are you becoming?  What do you want to become? 

And are you focused on how you are practicing that reality?

My piano teacher when I was a kid regularly reminded me that practice makes habit

(only perfect practice makes perfect).  What habits are you building?

If you need some accountability - I am here to help.

Listening

 

As we think about how were engage with the world, in person, face to face, we might have some understanding that we have lost a bit in being able to find ways to engage with one another as readily as in the past.  We are losing a sense of connection and the ability to listen.  We all to often seek more to be heard.  

And in the world that we are in - the value of having someone to listen to you is precious treasure.  

Listening is more than just hearing words...it is about being able to engage with whoever is speaking and understanding their message.  Which is a powerful tool.

Here are a few things to practice to enhance your listening skills,

1 - Be Present.  get rid of things that distract you, make eye contact with whoever is speaking to show that you are engaged.

2 - Work at Preventing Disruptions.  Let the speaker finish thoughts. Interruptions can make them feel less valued.

3 - Practice Empathy - acknowledging feelings and emotions by nodding or using affirming words can help to convey that you understand their perspective.

4 - Ask Clarifying Questions.  If there is something that is not clear - ASK, this shows that you are interested and it helps to deepen your own understanding.

5 - Reflect and Summarize  - being able to reflect back what you have heard helps to convey that your re on the same page and allows the speak er clarify if needed.

6 - Practice Patience.  Give the speaker time to fully express their thoughts or feelings.  Sometimes silence can encourage deeper reflection.