A Lenten Confession: I Forgot to Put Myself on the Prayer List

A Lenten Confession: I Forgot to Put Myself on the Prayer List

A lighthearted - but honest - note for the people who take care of everyone else.

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Every year, Lent arrives with its beautiful invitation to SLOW DOWN, go inward, and tend to the soul.

And every year, those of us in ministry look up from our fifteenth planning meeting of February and say, "That sounds wonderful. Who is that for?"

Because the quiet irony of serving in a faith community, is that the season designed for stillness, is also the season where the people guiding that stillness are running at approximately 140% capacity. Ash Wednesday logistics. Mid-week services. Holy Week services - plural. Easter Sunday, which has the energy of a Broadway opening night but with more lilies and a significantly earlier call time.

Somewhere between "remember you are dust" and "can someone please reorder the candles," we forget to breathe.       

"We are very good at holding space for others. We are somewhat less good at remembering we also take up space.”

THE OCCUPATIONAL HAZARD OF BEING THE HELPER

The reality is that nobody puts that in the job description: when you are the person people come to, it becomes genuinely awkward to need something yourself.

You become, in the eyes of your community, a kind of spiritual vending machine - always stocked, always available, dispensing comfort and wisdom with a smile. The idea that the machine might occasionally need to be restocked is not part of anyone's mental model. Including, if we're honest, our own.

We are very good at asking "how are you?" We are considerably less practiced at answering it truthfully when someone asks us back. The honest answer - "tired, a little frayed, wondering why I agreed to lead three additional small groups this semester" - tends to stay internal.

This is not a complaint. It is an occupational quirk. And like most occupational quirks, it is mostly fine right up until it isn’t. (seriously…just before you fall over the edge)

But Guess WHAT JESUS DID (THAT WE CONVENIENTLY SKIP OVER)

Here is a fun spiritual exercise: go back through the Gospels and count how many times Jesus withdraws. Goes off alone. Finds a garden. Takes a boat ride. Sleeps through a storm, which honestly sounds like a coping mechanism we should all explore.

The person we are following - the one we cite when we explain why we do this work - regularly stepped away from the demands of ministry to replenish. He wept before miracles. He asked his friends to stay awake with him in the hard moments. He had needs, and he did not appear to be embarrassed about them.

If the Son of God built rest and honest emotion into his ministry practice, the theological case for running yourself into the ground is, at best, shaky.

"Jesus napped on a boat in a storm. The bar for self-care is not actually that high."

SO, WHERE ARE THE HELPERS FOR THE HELPERS?

Good question. Genuinely. Where are they?

The honest answer is that they usually have to be sought out on purpose, because they will not just appear. A spiritual director. A therapist who doesn't flinch when you mention sermon prep and boundary violations in the same sentence. A peer group that actually tells the truth. A coach who asks you the questions you've been too busy to ask yourself.

If you don't have any of those right now - no judgment. Ministry tends to produce people who are excellent at building support systems for everyone except themselves (and even that skill is becoming harder to reproduce). And it IS a skill, just not a particularly lucrative or recognized.

Consider this a gentle nudge to add yourself to the list of people you take care of. Not at the bottom. Somewhere in the middle, at least. (oof…that even seems awkward to write)

A LENTEN PRACTICE THAT REQUIRES ALMOST NO PLANNING

By this time - you've already given up sugar or social media or saying "just checking in" on emails. But may I suggest one more small thing?

Give up performing on “fine".

Not publicly. Not in ways that worry your congregation or end up in next week's bulletin. But somewhere - in a journal, in prayer, with one honest friend, with a coach or director - tell the truth about where you actually are. Not the newsletter version. The real one.

The tired, grateful, stretched, sometimes-wondering-what-I'm-doing, deeply-committed-anyway version. That person deserves to be seen too. Especially by you.

After all, Lent is fundamentally about honesty - about looking clearly at what is real before we get to resurrection. That applies to your inner life just as much as the congregation's.

You have spent this season helping other people find their way out of the dark. You are allowed to admit when you need a little light yourself.

You're not complaining. You're human. There's a difference - and it's a rather important one!

Ready to have someone actually ask how you are “really" doing?

At EMBody Wisdom, that is exactly the kind of conversation we love to have. Whether you are in the middle of a demanding season, navigating a transition, or just quietly running on fumes — you deserve a space that is entirely yours.

No agenda. No one else's needs on the table. Just honest, grounded support for the person doing all the supporting.

Reach out and let's start there. Because you spend enough time caring for others. Let someone return the favor.

Visit embodywisdomca.com →

Choosing health - Yoga edition

There are many choices we make in life, one of which is how to best care for our physical bodies.  And once that choice becomes a priority, then there are a plethora of ways to be able to practice health.  I for one really love swimming and biking and running and occasionally playing volleyball with friends, and admittedly I am not very good at attending to the part where there is stretching involved.  That said, I do realize the necessity, and so I seek out ways to allow my body to find flexibility.  Easy enough - there are lots of yoga classes that are accessibly.  

The problem is I am not a fan of yoga...at least not in the middle of practice when it is hard and I notice how NOT flexible I am.  But I am a fan of what it does for my body and my mind, and I am a fan of the deliberate practice and of learning how to be present in times that are not physically comfortable for me.  And I so very much appreciate that although I can pull up a video and do yoga in my own home, there is something about the energy in a place where we do yoga together that offers another piece to the practice.   The "work" that I do in a yoga class is for me and it is mine, but I know that the communal energy pushes me deeper into the practice, I know if I need help others are right there. I know I will make friends simply by being present.  I know that because that is also how community works.  I see it on a regular basis, I experience it on a regular basis.  

Sometimes I think it is like eating things like liver, or Kale.  I need the iron, but I am not a fan of those foods.  (I don't eat liver anymore, but that is another story)  We choose to allow ourselves to find health.  Sometimes that means that we will not always be in the moment of full pleasure.  That is a thing in the life of humanity.  Somehow we have gotten it in our heads that life is simply about creating pleasurable experiences.  But if we are choosing to be healthy (physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually) there are parts of the road that are hard.

These choices are all a part of the explorations in this journey of life that we walk, more often together than alone.

Notes on Meditation

For those who are beginners (or even have a regular practice) it can be difficult to get into the quiet of meditation.  To let your mind actually be quiet.  Remember it is a practice, like learning to play an instrument, or a sport.

The basics of meditation are breathing and silence.  Learning to quiet your mind takes time, but we all know how to breathe, so focusing on your breath or a mantra is awesome.

This week we can start with breathing. Week 2 I will write some tips on space and place. Week 3 I will send tips on mantras and getting rid of "monkey mind" (quieting all those voices and to do lists). Week 4 will be tips on before and after meditation...(how to deepen your practice)

So to start out:
There are 2 techniques that I think are helpful in calming your body and mind.
The first is to simply focus on your breath.  Notice where your breath goes when it enters your body.  Notice if you pause at the end of an inhale of breath or at the end of exhale.  Do not consciously change your breathing, just notice.  Is the breath shallow or full?  Is your inhale longer than your exhale?  Just notice.  Likely your breathing will change.  This kind of practice will help you at other times of the day to notice your breath and gauge what it is telling you about stress, emotions and time.

The second technique is breath length and patterns.  As you sit, take a deep breath in through your nose for a count of 4. Hold for a count of 4 and then breath out through your mouth like you are blowing through a straw for a count of 8.  The practice may seem awkward at first, give it time, try it for 5-10 minutes.  You may want to change the count so it feels better, just remember it is a 1:1:2 ratio.

Peace to your practice.

7 ways to Slow down and Savor the Day

I am an early morning person.  Or at least I used to be and still want to believe that I am.  The thing about early morning is that the air seems a little more fresh.  The moisture from the dew teases out the scents of the flowers and the trees.  the quiet of the morning allows one to hear the birds and the wind and focus more on the softness of the breeze rather than the rush of the day.  It's a break from the fast pace of life, a few moments to breathe into the day.  A few moments that there is that quiet time to enjoy God's creation and listen to where the Spirit calls us.

As we enter into middle of summer and the rush of adventures and vacations and travels around the country its easy to forget to breathe.  We seek the rush of adventure and experiences, we take hundreds of pictures to post on facebook, twitter, instagram, tumblr and the like.

In the midst of it all I invite you into the morning.  If you are not an early morning person, try getting up just once a week to see the sunrise.  (if you wait a few more weeks it comes up later). If you are an early morning person take a few extra moments to lay in bed and listen to the birds outside your window.  Or head out for a short walk and notice the silent moments of the morning.

Here are 10 things you can do in the morning to help you slow down and savor the day 

(most of these can take less than 10 minutes)

1 - Breathe - God's breath moves through us, give us life, animates us... before you go anywhere - or even get out a bed, take a few moments to breathe deeply.  It helps of you place your hands on your abdomen and allow your breath to fill up your belly.  Breathe in 3 times and then allow your breath to slow notice how the air moves through you.  Breathing in this way right away in the morning allows more oxygen to get to your muscles and organs and is a good reminder that your can bring that early morning calm back to yourself throughout the day.

2 - Yoga - Honoring our bodies and how God has created us to move is often a helpful way to start the day.  Gently moving our bodies through Yoga (stretching and breathing) invites our bodies into the day  One great series of movements is called Sun Salutations

3 - Slow walk - this is not the a heart raising workout - but a slow intentional walk of noticing.  Go out for a walk and notice what you hear, what you see, what you smell.  Savor the day one moment at a time

4 - Watch the Sunrise - We so often pause to watch the sun set over the ocean in Southern California - but very few of us get up and find a good place to watch the sunrise over the hills.  While it is easy to see then the sun goes down, there is something much more deliberate and intentional about waiting for the sun to appear.  Bring a cup of coffee, or tea and a friend and sit in the quiet as you wait together for the sunrise.  Or go by yourself, meditate and breathe while you wait.

 

5 - Drink a cup of tea - I know, I know, drinking coffee in the morning is so much the norm.  However, there is a slowing practice that comes with making and drinking tea.  and if you don't like tea a bit of hot water lemon and honey works really well to clear out your digestive system and prepare you for the day.

6 - Journal - Journalling in the morning is very different than any other time of day.  our minds are still a little foggy, our dreams still swirl in our heads.  And for all the swirling and fogginess it tends to be the time of day when we have the most clarity.  The chatter of the rest of the world hasn't yet had time to clutter our minds.  So journal your dreams, your thoughts, your prayers for the day.  Write down a focus for your day - not a to do list, but a to be list.  (mine generally is something like - "be thankful", or "be kind", or "be fully engaged in meetings"...

7 - Meditate - or pray, or sit in silence...whatever you want to call this.  The quiet of the morning is a great time to be able to listen to where your life is call you, or where the Holy Spirit is leading you. Let your mind soften, sit in silence and listen.

It won't be too long before we start noticing how much shorter the days are, before we need to start planning for fall (school, programs, missions).  

Take some time to enjoy the peace the Mid-Summer brings.

(re-posted on www.tlcventura.blogspot.com)