Thursday, January 15, 2026

Why Grief Is So Hard to Hold - and Why We Need Guides (or coaches)

 

Grief is one of the most universal human experiences - and one of the least well held.

It arrives whether we are ready or not. It comes with death, yes, but also with endings: the loss of a relationship, a dream, a role, a body that once felt familiar, a future that quietly disappeared. Grief moves through our lives whether we have language for it or not. And yet, most of us are left to carry it alone.

We live in a culture that does not know what to do with grief.

We are taught to be strong, resilient, productive. We are praised for “moving on” and “looking forward.” We are given timelines - spoken or unspoken - for when grief should soften, quiet down, or resolve. And when it doesn’t, when it lingers in the body and resurfaces in unexpected ways, people often feel something is wrong with them.

But grief is not a problem to fix. It is a process to be accompanied.

Why Grief Support Is Hard to Find

One reason grief coaching and grief-centered support are so difficult to find is because grief itself makes people uncomfortable. It slows things down. It disrupts efficiency. It resists neat solutions. Even helpers - therapists, coaches, faith leaders, friends - can feel pressure to do something rather than to be with.

Many support systems are built around diagnosis, goals, and outcomes. Grief doesn’t follow those rules. It is nonlinear. It shows up in waves. It lives in the nervous system and the body as much as in thoughts and emotions. You can be “doing everything right” and still feel undone.

Because grief doesn’t fit easily into productivity-driven models of care, it often gets minimized, spiritualized away, or pathologized. People are told to be grateful, to find the lesson, to focus on what remains. While these responses are often well-intended, they can leave grievers feeling unseen and misunderstood.

Another reason grief coaching is rare is that it requires the guide to be willing to stay present with pain - without rushing it, fixing it, or turning away. That kind of presence takes training, practice, and humility. It asks the guide to have a relationship with their own grief, their own losses, their own tenderness. Not everyone is supported or encouraged to do that work.

What Grief Actually Needs

Grief needs time.
Grief needs space.
Grief needs permission.

It needs someone who understands that grief is not just emotional—it is embodied. It shows up as tightness in the chest, heaviness in the limbs, exhaustion that sleep doesn’t fix, a nervous system that feels perpetually on edge or shut down. Grief changes how we breathe, how we move, how we orient to the world.

Grief also needs language that does not rush toward meaning too quickly. Before “making sense” of loss, we need help staying with the sense of it - what it feels like, where it lives, how it moves.

This is where grief coaching becomes essential.

What Grief Coaching Offers

Grief coaching is not about giving advice or prescribing a way through loss. It is about companionship and capacity. It offers a steady, attuned presence that helps people learn how to be with what hurts without being overwhelmed by it.

A grief coach helps create safety for grief to be expressed honestly - without timelines, without comparison, without pressure to perform healing. Grief coaching honors that each grief is unique because each love is unique.

Through gentle practices, reflection, and embodied awareness, grief coaching helps people:

  • Understand what their grief is asking of them

  • Learn how to listen to their bodies with compassion

  • Build nervous system capacity to stay present with pain

  • Integrate loss into life without erasing it

  • Find meaning that emerges organically, not prematurely

Grief coaching does not take grief away. Instead, it helps grief become something that can be carried—woven into life rather than fought against.

Why We Need It Now

We are living in a time of collective grief - grief layered upon grief. Loss has become both personal and communal, visible and invisible. Many people are grieving without naming it, wondering why they feel so tired, disconnected, angry, or fragile.

We need spaces where grief is not treated as an interruption to life, but as part of it.

With the work of EMBody Wisdom, grief is approached as a teacher - not because it is easy or good, but because it reveals what matters most. We believe grief deserves patience, reverence, and skilled accompaniment. We believe people heal not by bypassing pain, but by being met within it.

If you are grieving and have felt alone, behind, or “too much,” know this: nothing is wrong with you. Your grief makes sense. And you do not have to carry it by yourself.

Grief was never meant to be rushed.
It was meant to be witnessed.

And sometimes, the most healing thing is simply having someone walk beside you and say, I see this. I’m here. We can go at the pace your body needs.

That is the quiet, essential work of grief coaching.



Tuesday, January 6, 2026

New Year - Grief edition

 Does January feel heavier than it's supposed to?

We're a week into the new year and I need you to hear this: you are not behind.

There's no award for bouncing back on schedule. No gold star for having your vision board ready or your word of the year picked out. Some people hold it all together with coffee and sheer stubbornness, wondering how everyone else seems to have moved on while others are still trying to remember what day it is.

That's not weakness. That's grief doing exactly what grief does.

January has a cruel talent for amplifying absence. The holiday distractions are gone. The house is too quiet. And you're left staring at a whole year stretched out in front of you - 365 days of figuring out how to do life without them.

Everyone else is posting about fresh starts and new beginnings. Setting goals. Making plans. Talking about their best year yet.

And you're over here thinking, "I just need to make it through February."

Here's what no one says out loud enough: you can be grateful for a new year and also dread it. You can want to move forward and still feel stuck. You can show up for your life and simultaneously wonder how you're supposed to do this for another twelve months.

None of that means you're doing it wrong.

It just means you loved deeply. And that love doesn't disappear just because the calendar flipped.

Grief is not a sign you're failing at life or that you need to try harder. It's evidence that someone mattered. That something real existed. And the sacred is not standing there with a stopwatch, waiting for you to hurry up and heal already.

Some years, the fresh start is not about reinvention. It's about survival. About waking up and choosing to keep going even when you're not sure why. About doing the next thing because it's the next thing, not because you have some grand plan.

That's not settling. That's courage.

You are allowed to ignore the productivity posts. You are allowed to skip goal-setting if it feels pointless right now. You're allowed to have zero vision for the year ahead except "try not to cry at work." That is completely acceptable human behavior.

And listen...if all you managed this week was getting out of bed and making it through the days, even if half of them were fueled by spite and chocolate, you can still count that as a win.

Progress doesn't always look like forward momentum. Sometimes it looks like staying upright. Sometimes it looks like still being here.

So take January at your own pace. Log off if the fresh-start energy feels exhausting. Say no to things that feel too hard. Let yourself miss them without apologizing for it.

You don't have to carry this year perfectly. You just have to carry it honestly.

And if you find yourself having a good moment and then feeling guilty about it? You don't need to. Joy isn't betrayal. It's proof that love is still doing its work in you, even in the middle of loss.

If you're navigating this new year with grief that won't quit, you don't have to do it alone.

I have space for 2 new clients this month. After that, I'll be taking a break through Lent (February 17 - April 6) for my own time of reflection and renewal.

EMBody Wisdom holds space for you in the messy middle - where you don't have to explain yourself or pretend you're more okay than you are.

If you need support, reach out.

www.embodywisdomca.com


Thursday, January 1, 2026

9:29 AM JANUARY 1, 2026 Title: Welcome to the Other Side


Well, you made it.

You crossed the threshold from one year into the next - at least according to the Gregorian calendar. And if you're anything like me, you woke up this morning feeling... exactly the same as yesterday?

That's the thing about New Year's Day - we expect some grand transformation, some cosmic shift, a feeling of newness washing over us. But mostly it just feels like Wednesday. (Or Thursday as is happens this time)

Of course, this is just one new year. The lunar new year won't arrive until late January. The Jewish new year happened back in the fall. Different cultures, different rhythms, different doorways into what's next. Time is more fluid than our calendars suggest.

And yet.

Something did shift today. You stepped through a doorway. This particular calendar flipped. A chapter began, even if it doesn't feel dramatic yet.

Think of it like planting a seed. On January 1st, nothing looks different on the surface. But underground, something is stirring. Roots are beginning to reach. The conditions for growth are being set.

So today, you don't have to have it all figured out. You don't have to be a new person or make sweeping declarations. You just have to show up and take one small step in the direction you want to go.

The in-between is over. Now comes the becoming.

What's one small step you can take today?